


Full Of Broken Thoughts (I Cannot Repair)

by void_spells



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Mentions of torture and manipulation, carmilla typical awfulness, everyone really - Freeform, jonnys got his brain all fucked up, no one has a good time folks, theres one or 2 instances of physical abuse but they arent graphic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22994890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/void_spells/pseuds/void_spells
Summary: All of the Mechanisms knew there was something wrong with Jonny. And eventually, They all figured out what exactly had caused it.(Something of a 5+1, except this time its the mechs + jonny figuring out that Carmilla royally screwed up his brain)
Comments: 152
Kudos: 427





	1. Nastya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nastya walks in on something.  
> (tw: implied torture)

Nastya

Trying to understand Jonny, Nastya was beginning to realize, was completely impossible. She had only known him for a few weeks, though most of their first interactions were a bit of a blur from… whatever it was Dr. Carmilla did to save her. She initially thought he was just a little lonely; she had come to understand that it had just been him and Dr. Carmilla for a very, very long time. He tended to talk at Nastya rather than to her, rambling about whatever seemed to come to mind at the moment. Sure, he could be all over the place, but he was pleasant enough to be around. Until her fourth week as a Mechanism, when she heard a loud crash, followed by the sound of Jonny shouting.

She followed the commotion to Dr. Carmilla's lab, where she found a collected, if a little frustrated, Dr. Carmilla. Standing across an operating table from her, was a frazzled and panicked looking Jonny. It seemed he had pushed the table between the two of them, and he looked ready to bolt. He kept one hand pressed against the table, the other tangled in his hair, twisting it in a manner that must have been painful.

“Jonathan,” Dr. Carmilla started, her tone similar to that of an exhausted parent to their misbehaving toddler, “I understand it’s hard for you, but at least  _ try  _ to be reasonable.” Jonny let out a harsh laugh, and then another. He struggled for an uncomfortable amount of time to stop.

“Reasonable!  _ Reasonable? _ Am I really being  _ unreasonable  _ for not wanting you to stick your hands in my chest? Digging around while I feel everything?!” His voice was high-pitched and breathy. Nastya was pretty certain he was having a panic attack. She was at a loss for what to do, frozen in the lab entryway. Dr. Carmilla gave a heavy sigh.

“Jonathan,” It was the same tone as before, if a little more strained. “this is maintenance. We’ve done this many times before, you know that. Just as you know I require you to be conscious to give me feedback. I don’t understand why you’re acting like this all of a sudden.” Dr. Carmilla took a slight step forward, and Jonny threw himself back, slamming hard into the wall behind him. It took Nastya a moment to realize he held a gun in his hand, pointed squarely at Dr. Carmilla. Her breath caught in her throat.

“J-Jonny-” She managed to start, but he barrelled over her.

“No, no you don’t-I’m not-I can’t  _ stand  _ it anymore I can’t-I can’t-” He brought the gun up, banging the butt of it against the side of his head a few times before levelling it back at Dr. Carmilla. “I can’t  _ feel  _ right. I can't  _ think right _ , because of  _ you. _ ” Dr. Carmilla held her hands up, but she didn’t seem afraid, or even slightly bothered. She took a step back.

“Okay, Jonathan. Alright. We won't do anymore maintenance. Alright?" Jonny seemed to relax slightly, exhaling harshly as he gave a small nod. Dr. Carmilla took another step back. “I’m just going to turn off the program, okay?” She turned slightly towards her computer terminal. Jonny gave another nod, and he slumped slightly against the wall.

“Okay.” Dr. Carmilla kept an eye on him as she stepped up to the keyboard, only looking away to start typing. Jonny tentatively lowered his gun, and Nastya felt herself start to relax as the tension slowly began to drain. The only sounds in the room were of Jonny trying to get his breathing under control, and the clicking of Dr. Carmilla’s nails against the keyboard. Then the breathing was cut off.

Jonny's gun clattered to the ground, his hand gripping his shirt over his heart. He was struggling to breathe right, gasping desperately while both hands clawed at his chest. It felt like Nastya stood there, watching Jonny panic and struggle to breathe properly for much longer than she really did, before his eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped to the ground. The clicking of the keyboard had stopped. Nastya stared at Jonny’s still form, before her eyes slowly met Dr. Carmilla’s.

“What-What did you do?” Dr. Carmilla didn’t answer right away, instead beginning to clean the mess that had been made. Nastya had the sudden urge to help her, but her feet wouldn’t cooperate. She jumped when Dr. Carmilla started speaking, still focused on picking up the tools scattered across the floor.

“I sped up his heart rate until he lost consciousness. I would have just stopped it, but I can't seem to make that happen. He’ll wake up in a few hours, I’m sure he will have calmed down by then.” She finally stood, toolbox in hand, which she then set onto the operating table. With no effort, she pulled the heavy table back into place. She didn’t even spare Jonny a glance as she stepped around him to put the toolbox presumably back where it had been before Jonny threw it. Nastya tried to ignore the way her hands shook.

“Oh.” There was a long silence as Nastya tried to process. “What did you mean? Before?” Dr. Carmilla finally stopped and looked at her.

“What do you mean?” Nastya wrung her hands.

“When-when you told Jonny it was hard for him to be reasonable? And he said that he-that he didn’t feel or think right? What did that mean?” Dr. Carmilla stared at her for a long moment, before her face softened. She stepped toward her, and Nastya was reminded how tall she was when she stood in front of her.

“Oh, Nastya.” She rested a cold, gentle hand against Nastya’s cheek. “Unfortunately, Jonathan didn’t take to his bio-programming as wonderfully as you did. I must admit I… may have been too ambitious with him. But I learned. And I made you. And look how well you turned out.” Nastya felt a swell of pride at that, and a subtle feeling of nausea as well. Dr. Carmilla brushed her fingers over her cheek, her long nails grazing slightly across Nastya’s skin. 

“I do hope you and Jonathan get along,” Dr. Carmilla sighed as she turned and returned to her computer. “After all, you have a lot to thank him for. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have had the idea to use anesthesia when I mechanized you. All that screaming was not good for my concentration.” Nastya silently nodded, before giving one last glance at Jonny’s unconscious body, before she turned and walked away. She locked herself in her room for the rest of the night, covering her ears to block out the sound of Dr. Carmilla's medical equipment (she pretended she didn't hear muffled screaming) and trying not to be sick. She failed.

When Jonny, wild-eyed and with his chest covered in his own dried blood, shot her point blank the next morning, she understood.


	2. Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashes asks a lot of questions.

Ashes

D'Ville was completely batshit. Ashes could respect that. They understood the rage at the drop of a hat, the sudden desire to destroy everything around them. They had a lot in common with Jonny, really. Nothing brings people closer than killing shitty father figures and burning shit to the ground. Ashes once joked, after the two of them had discussed their shared pyromaniacal revenge on the places that made them, that they got along "like a house on fire", and Jonny laughed so hard he dropped the gun he had been cleaning. And then he kept laughing.

It had taken him about five minutes to actually stop, and he was clearly upset by it. His nails had dug into his throat while his other hand was clamped over his mouth, trying to muffle the sound. Ashes watched him as he stood abruptly, nearly knocking his chair back, and stalk quickly out of the room still trying to stifle sudden bursts of giggling. They continued to stare at the entryway he had disappeared through, listening to the laughter echoing down the halls, before it faded away. Ashes looked down at the discarded and disassembled gun lying on the floor.

So maybe they didn't have  _ that  _ much in common with D'Ville.

\--

That one incident grew into countless. Jonny would laugh at nothing, or get angry out of nowhere, or start shaking and panicking, always rushing out of the room as fast as possible. Ashes never brought it up, but eventually their curiosity got the best of them.

Ashes was with Nastya, helping her fix up The Aurora's paint job. (She had mentioned something about the lettering on the side needing a new coat.) Jonny had been helping as well, but after about two hours of joking around, he had suddenly kicked over a paint bucket in a burst of… something, before he went still after some sort of internal struggle and he stalked away. Nastya watched him go, a sad look on her face that she tried valiantly (yet poorly) to mask. They both went back to work in silence, and it was about an hour before Ashes spoke up.

"So," Nastya gave a small sigh, like she had been waiting for Ashes to ask. "You know what his deal is?" Nastya very pointedly was not looking at them as she brushed on an unnecessary coat of paint, seeming to be attempting to fix the perfectly straight line of the "A".

"He got upset." Nastya concentrated hard on the paint, her face closer than it needed to be.

"Yeah, but — you're gonna get high if you stay that close, and I'm not doing this by myself while you trip — do you know  _ why  _ he got upset?" Nastya let out another sigh, leaning back. She put the paintbrush back in the bucket. She still avoided their eyes.

"I don't even think Jonny knows why he's upset." She mumbled. Ashes paused to process, then leaned back with her, eyes narrowed.

"What does that mean?" They asked, hoping to pry a little more information out. Nastya threw her hands in the air.

“Why do you care so much? Just drop it.” she crossed her arms, and Ashes scoffed.

“I just want to know what his fucking problem is. It’s not like I’m asking for his entire tragic backstory.” 

“He just got upset, Ashes! Jonny gets upset at things!” Ashes tossed down their own paintbrush. Some of the iridescent pigment splashed over their shoes.

“He doesn’t just “get upset” Nastya he fucking loses it out of nowhere, I think I’m allowed to ask why!” They took a step back as Nastya huffed and shoved the paint cans aside, quickly making her way to the ladder.

"I'm going to take a break." Ashes watched her as she hurried off in the direction Jonny had gone. They sat heavily on the platform, heaving a sigh.

“What the fuck.”

\--

"Have you been experiencing any emotional instability?" It had been exactly one year since Ashes was mechanized. The doc sat in front of them, a tablet in hand as she stared Ashes down. Nastya had warned them about the sort of "year-in review", and Ashes was pretty used to Carmillas' staring. They shifted slightly.

"Uh, emotional instability? Like am I going crazy, or whatever?" Carmilla tapped a single fingernail on the back of her tablet.

"Have you had a difficult time regulating emotions? Or noticed yourself reacting to a situation with the wrong emotion?" Ashes scratched at the burn scar trailing up the back of their hand, huffing a short laugh.

"That's more Jonny's thing, isn't it?" They joked. Carmilla was silent, her nail tapping against the tablet once again. She stared. Ashes scratched. The doc took in a sharp breath.

"So is that a yes or a no?" It sounded more like a statement than a question. Ashes narrowed their eyes slightly.

"I-no. It's a no." Carmilla hummed, and Ashes watched her tap the tablet screen a few times, her nails clacking against it. She looked up again. Ashes pulled at the warped skin of their arm.

"Any difficulty properly following conversation, or trouble understanding what you're feeling?" She stared expectantly. Her nail tapped. Ashes shook their head, mouth moving silently for a moment.

"No. Not at all. I just… don't really know why you're asking me all this." Carmilla tapped away at the screen, speaking without looking up.

"Mechanization is a delicate procedure. I'm not that concerned about any negative mental effects, but it's always good to be sure. I don't like mistakes." Her eyes bore into Ashes' own. "Do you have anything to add? Concerns of your own?" 

"I… guess not. If," Ashes huffed slightly. "If I  _ was  _ going crazy, I wouldn't really know it, would I?" The doc didn't laugh, but she did make a note.

"Oh, you would." Ashes froze for a moment, releasing the irritated skin of their arm. Carmilla didn't look back up at them. "You can go now, thank you, Ashes." They didn't move for a couple of seconds, before standing from their chair and turning away quickly. They ducked out the entryway, ready to hurry off, when they heard the sound of Carmilla’s recorder start. They hid just around the corner.

“Luckily, it seems my success with Nastya was  _ not _ a fluke. Jonathans’ failure was most likely a result of my failed attempts to alter his ability to feel emotion. I believe I can improve my initial experiment now that I have a better understanding of the mind. I hope to try my hand at more intense bio-programming again. We’ll see what my future Mechanism brings.” The recorder clicked off. Ashes stood in the doorway, unmoving. The sound of Carmilla setting her equipment down and standing shook them out of it, and they quickly hurried away. 

No, Ashes and Jonny did not have that much in common. Not as they both were now.


	3. Ivy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivy hears something she wasn't meant to.  
> (tw: gaslighting, overheard physical abuse)

Ivy

Ivy had been spending a majority of her short time as a Mechanism studying her crewmates, archiving all new information she discovered about them. She had been unsure how to go about interacting with the strangers, socially, so she started silently learning more about who they were so she could get a better grasp on how to actually manage conversations with them. It had been Dr. Carmillas' idea, she —

[Accessing memory- Time: 12:46pm Aurora Time. Location: Dr. Carmilla’s laboratory, The Aurora, 105 lightyears into the Barion Nebula, in the Rosen-Shry Galaxy. Events as follows.

_ Dr. Carmilla sits opposite from Ivy, a tablet held firmly in her hands. No noticable signs of stress. Some signs of concern, but not for Ivy. About Ivy. _

Dr. Carmilla: I noticed you've been rather quiet, Ivy. Why haven't you been talking to the others on the ship?

_ Dr. Carmilla tilts her head slightly. Ivy does not like the way she feels. She will do research at a later date to discover what it is called. _

Ivy Alexandria: I don't know them. I don't know how to act around them.

Dr. Carmilla: Well if you talk to them, you'll get to know them.

Ivy Alexandria: But how can I talk to them if I don't know what to say?

_ Dr. Carmilla shifts, crossing one leg over the other as she records Ivy's words into her tablet. Ivy watches her pretend to come up with an idea. _

Dr. Carmilla: How about you start small? Just spend time around them, study them. Document their behavior. That way you can know more about them and eventually you'll figure out what to say.

_ Ivy thinks. She feels gears turning and ticking and electricity snapping.  _ _ She had never been good at talking to people. Always preferred watching. Learning. Reading. _ _ She likes that idea. _

Ivy Alexandria: I can do that. 

Dr. Carmilla: I figured you would. Now, I would like access to all information you collect on them. Is that alright?

_ Dr. Carmilla is not asking. Her smile has too many sharp, sharp teeth. _

Ivy Alexandria: That’s alright. May I go now?

Dr. Carmilla: Of course, thank you, Ivy. Go make friends.

End memory.]

Ivy knew that Nastya loved The Aurora, and The Aurora loved her back. Ivy knew that Ashes liked to chew on the end of a matchstick. Ivy knew that Jonny was incapable of experiencing proper emotional responses. Ivy knew that Nastya fiddled with small gears and wires when nervous or bored. Ivy knew that Ashes could whistle and hum at the same time. Ivy knew that Jonny couldn’t follow his own thoughts. Ivy knew that they all loved Dr. Carmilla. Ivy knew that they were all afraid of Dr. Carmilla, especially Jonny —

[Accessing memory- Time: 7:23pm Aurora time. Location: The hallway outside Dr. Carmilla’s laboratory, The Aurora, orbiting the moon Veers, of the planet Korsha, in the Riler system, in the Marion Galaxy.

__

_ Ivy hides just outside the entryway to the lab. She was going to report her first real conversation with Ashes _ _ — _

__ [Accessing memory—

... Memory aborted.]

_ No. Ivy hides just outside the entryway to the lab. She meant to speak to Dr. Carmilla, but she heard Jonny’s voice in there. She doesn’t much like talking to Jonny yet. He doesn’t say the things she expects him to, or reacts the way she expects him to, or feels things the way she expects him to. He confuses her and it pounds on the inside of her skull.  _

Jonny D’Ville: —and you’re just gonna keep trying until you have your perfect specimen, won’t you?! Until you have something you have total control over?!

Dr. Carmilla: I’m not having this conversation with you, Jonathan. Please leave, Ivy will be here soon, I need to speak with her. 

Jonny D’Ville: Right, because that’s how this always goes. You make a new Mechanism, they’re your pride and  _ fucking _ joy, then you make another one and toss the others to the side!

Dr. Carmilla: That isn’t true, Jonathan. I love all of you as my own children—

Jonny D’Ville: You never even  _ ask  _ before mechanizing us! You just turn us into these  _ things  _ when we can’t say no! I didn’t even-I wasn’t even-I tried to tell you to  _ stop _ . But you _ didn’t  _ because you didn’t  _ care. _

_ There’s a long silence. Ivy hears Dr. Carmilla’s shoes clicking against the floor. She hears Jonny’s breath catch in his throat. She feels her own heart rate pick up. _

Dr. Carmilla: What have I told you about interrupting me?

Jonny D’Ville: I—

Dr. Carmilla: I am a scientist. I will spend the rest of my life improving my methods. Improving my work. I didn’t use anesthesia on you because I didn’t know if it was necessary in order to have a better outcome. I learned, and I improved. 

Jonny D’Ville: I didn’t—

Dr. Carmilla: As for my “not asking”, I don’t need to ask, because I know what’s best for you. You,  _ all _ of you, were dying. I made you better. You simply don’t remember properly because of the pain. Another reason I started using anesthesia after I made you. Pain makes you say things you don’t mean. You know you wanted to be made better, Jonathan.

Jonny D’Ville: You promised you wouldn’t screw with anyone else's brain. You said you made a mistake trying it on me and you wouldn’t  _ do it again. _

Dr. Carmilla: No, I promised I would never make the same mistake I did with you. When I found Ivy, I was confident I could fix her. That I could improve her. And I did. 

Jonny D’Ville: You didn’t.

_ Another long silence. Ivy wants to leave, but she can’t. Her feet feel screwed to the floor. She wants to leave. She doesn’t want to document this. _

Dr. Carmilla: What did you say?

Jonny D’Ville: I-you-she can’t even remember her past! You screwed her up, too. You didn’t learn  _ anything. _

_ Ivy feels gears in her head grinding to a halt as she hears the sound of a hand striking skin. Of Jonny stifling a sharp gasp. She doesn’t want to document this. _

__ Dr. Carmilla: You have  _ no  _ idea how difficult it is to rebuild an entire mind mechanically. I remade Ivy’s brain better than I could have ever hoped. Amnesia was  _ expected. _ At least she knows when to  _ keep quiet.  _ Every Mechanism I create is a further improvement upon  _ you.  _ Now leave. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day.

_ Ivy presses against the wall as Jonny rushes past her. He shoots her before she can even process he noticed she was there.. _

End memory.]

Jonny never mentioned anything he knew Ivy heard, and neither did she. Ivy knew that she liked to talk to Jonny. To try and predict what he will say, or how he will react, or what he will feel. She failed every time, but Ivy knew that it felt nice to be surprised, sometimes. Ivy knew that she was afraid of Dr. Carmilla, just like everyone else.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I can't resist a script lmao


	4. Brian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian has a misunderstanding.  
> (tw: implied psychological torture)

Brian

Brian wished Jonny would actually talk to him. Sure, he got along well enough with the others, but Carmilla had asked him to try to be friends with Jonny specifically; something about them being "opposites." She must have been referring to their mechanisms. He didn't really understand her insistence, honestly, but it still kind of hurt that, not only was he letting Carmilla down, but Jonny seemed to want nothing to do with him. If Jonny saw him, he either left the room, shot Brian, or shot himself. Sometimes both, if the blood Brian saw splattered against the wall when his body finished repairing itself was any indication.

Brian didn’t even know what the problem was. Sure, Jonny could be temperamental, and  _ very  _ unpredictable, but he seemed to like being around the other Mechanisms. The only other person he seemed to avoid was Carmilla, as did the others— though Brian didn’t understand why, she seemed nice enough. He had tried asking Ivy if she knew why Jonny apparently hated him, but she had gone pale before exclaiming a little too loud that she didn’t know. So he tried Ashes, who responded with a simple, “if Jonny hated you, you would have been in pieces scattered across the galaxy we found you in.” He didn’t bother asking Nastya, who had apparently been informed he was asking and hid in the air vents for three weeks. 

So, he decided to ask Carmilla. He found her repairing her operating table, which had “mysteriously” been destroyed after Jonny stormed off in the middle of a conversation he was having with Nastya. (which Brian had been pretending not to overhear.) He still hasn’t seen Jonny after that, though Carmilla mentioned “taking care of it.” She glanced up as he approached. He was still trying to get used to how loud he was when he moved. He stopped at the small acknowledgement of his presence.

“I—” He stopped himself. “Are you busy?” Carmilla put down her tools before staring pointedly at him. Right. 

“Right. Are you too busy to talk? I understand if you are, I just had a question? I can come back, it isn’t anything time-sensitive or anything—”

“What do you need, Brian?” she asked. Was she frustrated with him? He couldn’t really tell. She had one of those faces. She raised an eyebrow, reminding him to actually speak.

“Well, do you remember how you wanted Jonny and I to get along?” Carmilla sat back slightly.

“Yes, I do.”

“Right, well, uh,” he paused to take a breath, cooling down his processors. “He doesn’t seem to like me much, and I’m  _ not _ entirely sure why.” There was a moment of silence, before Carmilla sighed.

“I should have expected this.” She picked a few tools back up, and leaned under the table again. Brian narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“You… should have?” Carmilla gave another heavy sigh.

“Jonathan always gets like this. I should have seen it coming. Every time I make another Mechanism,  _ save  _ another person, he makes it all about himself. He’s jealous, Brian. He sees my improvement and thinks I’m trying to replace him.” Brian blinked. Oh. He… hadn’t considered that. He shifted his feet, the sound of metal scraping together echoing in the quiet lab.

“Do you have any, uh, advice on what I should do? To let him know I’m not? A replacement, I mean.” Carmilla put down one of her tools a little too harshly, before picking up another.

“ _ You  _ shouldn’t have to do anything. He’s acting like a  _ child _ . He’ll get over it, eventually, but I can’t tell you when that will be. He’s gotten worse every damn time. I’ll have a talk with him about his behavior, I won’t enable him anymore. Thank you for letting me know, Brian. Now let me get back to my work.” Brian stood there for a moment, before turning for the exit. He stopped and turned slightly.

“Where is he, anyway? I haven’t seen him around since yesterday.” Carmilla sighed, which Brian was beginning to think was her default response when it came to Jonny.

“I figured he needed some time to himself after his destructive outburst last night.” Brian had several questions arise from that response, but settled on one.

“Oh. Um, any idea when we’ll see him again?” The slam of another tool on the ground made him jump slightly.

“Well, it  _ was  _ going to be three days from now, but now that I know about how terrible his attitude has been, it will be two weeks.” Brian felt a sinking feeling in his metal somach, but he couldn't quite place why. He didn’t like how she had said that. He figured, however, she wouldn’t like anymore questions, so he turned and walked away without another word.

\--

It  _ was  _ another two weeks before anyone saw Jonny. He was quieter than Brian had ever known him to be, and the few times he did speak, his voice sounded like he had swallowed sandpaper. Brian tried not to cry at the sight of the healing scratch marks over his face, or the missing fingernails that were slowly growing back. None of the others said anything, but they did glance at one another, pointed looks on their faces. When Ashes accidentally closed the door to the supply closet while Jonny was in there and he started screaming, Brian had to lock himself in his room, gagging from phantom nausea.

\--

A couple of months passed, and Jonny was managing to spend time in the same room with Brian without losing it. He still never actually started conversation with him, only responding shortly if Brian said anything to him. Brian still heard his conversation with Carmilla ringing in his mind, especially when he and Jonny were alone together, as they were at that moment sitting at the control panel. Brian was still familiarizing himself with everything, and Jonny just seemed to have nothing better to do than stare out the viewport.

“Why do you not like me?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He cringed. Jonny turned slowly to stare at him.

“What?” At least Jonny sounded genuinely confused, rather than angry, but Brian knew that could change without warning.

“I just… I was wondering, you seem not to like me much? And I was hoping to know why, I guess.”  _ Nailed it, Brian.  _ Jonny was silent. Brian braced for the bullet in his brain.

“I don’t, not like you?” Oh. Huh. Brian whipped his head toward Jonny so fast he heard metal creaking. Jonny looked very uncomfortable.

“You don’t?” He tried not to shoot himself for how hopeful he sounded. Jonny looked back out the viewport, bringing his legs up into the chair he was. Brian was harshly reminded how young Jonny apparently was when Carmilla mechanized him.

“I hate that Camilla figured it out.” Brian resisted the urge to fiddle with the controls. Jonny didn’t, tapping buttons Brian really hoped weren't important.

“Figured what out?” Jonny shot a glance at Brian.

“How to change someone's brain to control them, without totally fucking them up.” Brian’s hand brushed over the small switch on the back of his neck, hidden under his wire hair.

“Oh.” Jonny nodded, before suddenly pointing out the viewport, toward a misshapen galaxy in the distance. 

“We should go over there, looks fucked.” Brian looked at Jonny again, before looking back at the galaxy.

“Okay, we can do that.”


	5. Toy Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toy Soldier follows orders.

Toy Soldier

Toy Soldier liked being on The Aurora. It liked all of it's new crew members, even if Ashes lit it on fire once to see what would happen, (Not much! Nastya said it smelled like a fireplace for a week afterwards, though!) or if Jonny kept locking it in Brian's room while he was sleeping to scare him. It even liked Dr. Carmilla, but when it told Jonny this, he unloaded his gun into its chest. It felt funny. So Toy Soldier didn't mention her to him anymore! Sometimes, though, she would order it to do things that gave it a twisting feeling in its core.

It started out small. First she instructed it to tell her if any of the others said bad things about her. The ones that liked to be around it never said mean things, so it told her this! She told it that Jonny was more likely to say things that weren't true, so to spend more time with him. He said a lot of mean things about Dr. Carmilla. So Toy Soldier told her! So she told it to go bring Jonny to her lab. So it did! Jonny was really mad at Toy Soldier, and his breathing was really funny, but then she told it to leave them alone, so it did.

Jonny stopped saying mean things about Dr. Carmilla after that. He also stopped talking to Toy Soldier completely. That made it feel like it had termites in its chest. But the doctor said that was okay! That Jonny wasn't much fun to talk to anyway! 

"I'm sure you've noticed his inability to get control over his emotions, yes?" Toy Soldier didn't understand what she meant, but it nodded anyways.

"And how he can't seem to keep track of most conversations?" Toy Soldier didn't understand what she meant, but it nodded anyways.

"And how he refuses to understand that  _ everything _ I do, I do out of love? That just because I improve, doesn't mean he loses the place he holds in my heart as my first moderately successful creation?" Toy Soldier nodded, but Dr. Carmilla didn't seem to notice it was even there.

"Jonathan can't seem to grasp that I know what's best for him; that if he acts out, he deserves punishment for it. I'm practically his mother, yet he continues to be ungrateful for the new life I gave him. For the companions I created. For the progress I've made! Do you understand?" Toy Soldier didn't. It nodded. Dr. Carmilla finally acknowledged it, and she gave a short laugh.

“Funny, then, how he acts more like a child than you. Is too immature to understand something that a naive thing such as yourself can.” It did not understand. That was okay, though, because Ashes had told it to simply nod when the doctor started saying mean things. This sounded mean. 

“I am glad I found you.” Toy Soldier smiled.

“I am too! I like it here!” 

\--

Jonny made a friend on the planet they had found themselves on. Toy Soldier made the same friend too, but it considered everyone its friend. Jonny didn’t have many friends. His name was Tim. Tim made Jonny laugh. It sounded nicer than the laugh he usually had, but it was just as hard for him to stop. Tim didn’t mind that, though. Toy Soldier figured that made Jonny not mind, either. The last time it saw them before it got picked up by some nice people in different uniforms, Jonny was laughing. Tim was crying. Tim's friend Bertie was dead.

Toy Soldier saw Tim again on the moon. It saw Jonny too— well, his head at least. Tim looked funny. Then he ordered Toy Soldier to fight. So it did! It didn’t see Tim anymore, but then everything exploded. It found the box Jonny’s head was in, then it found Jonny’s head and put it in the box. It didn’t like the way he looked like that. Then Brian found them in The Aurora, and when they got on board, Ivy helped sew Jonny back together. She was teaching Toy Soldier the best kind of stitch to use, when Dr. Carmilla walked into the med bay.

“Jonathan?” Jonny sat up, rubbing the stitches around his neck and just looked at her with a frown on his face. The doctor stepped further into the room, and Ivy left very quickly, quietly excusing herself, saying she needed to speak to Brian very urgently.

“I know we've been… at odds, for a while now. I know you've been angry with me, but I have something for you, I think you’ll really like it.” Jonny looked very confused. Toy Soldier felt confused too. 

“What is it?” It didn’t sound like a question. Jonny got up very slowly, and he swayed a bit. Dr. Carmilla rolled her eyes with a smile.

“It’s a surprise, now come along. You too, Toy Soldier. You’ll like this as well.” She nodded toward the entryway as she turned, and Toy Soldier followed. Jonny did as well, but he didn’t seem happy about it. He seemed even less happy about having to grip Toy Soldiers arm for support. They followed her to her lab, and found someone lying motionless on her operating table.

It was Tim! He had metal parts sticking out of one eye, and the other was replaced by what looked to be a mechanism. She saved him! Toy Soldier jumped in the air a few times, jostling Jonny, who had gone very still.

“Look, Jonny! It’s Tim! She saved Tim!” it exclaimed, having a hard time choosing whether to look at Tim or Jonny. It noticed the not-happy look on Jonny’s face and settled for looking at him. It stopped jumping.

“Jonny?” He was shaking his head. He looked sick. Toy Soldier did not understand why.

“Jonathan? What’s the matter?” Dr. Carmilla stepped forward, and Jonny stepped back, letting go of Toy Soldier. “ Are you really going to be angry with me for saving your friend? For saving one of the few people who doesn’t just like you because they have to be around you?” Jonny swallowed, and his eyes looked wet. Toy Soldier looked away; he always got mad when people saw him cry.

“You didn’t  _ save _ him.” The doctor rolled her eyes. She wasn’t smiling this time.

“Jonathan—”

“You’re just gonna keep doing this, aren't you? You’ll never stop forcing this on people?” Toy Soldier heard him take a step back.

“Jonathan, what have I told you—”

“I can’t-I can’t _do_ this anymore.” His footsteps echoed down the hallway. Dr. Carmilla did not follow.

\--

That night, Toy Soldier saw Dr. Carmilla banging on the glass of the airlock. It saw Jonny’s hand hovering over the ‘emergency eject’ button. It saw him hesitate, before slamming it down. It didn’t see Dr. Carmilla anymore. It saw Jonny slide down the airlock door. Jonny saw Toy Soldier.

“Don’t tell anyone.” He said calmly, before he started laughing. And laughing. And laughing. So it didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the one yallve been waiting for


	6. Tim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim wakes up somewhere new.  
> (tw: descriptions of gore)

Tim

Jonny laughed when Bertie died. He and Tim had watched the back of his head explode, felt his blood and brain matter splatter over their faces, and Jonny just started  _ laughing. _ It was an awful, high-pitched thing, and several times he was stuck gasping, desperately trying to catch his breath so the laughter could keep going. It was the only thing Tim could hear, while he felt anger pooling in his gut and boiling over. Anger at the piece of shit that shot Bertie the moment his head peeked over the trench, anger at the fucker on that damn moon who started all of this, anger at himself for not taking Bertie and running when they were drafted, and anger at Jonny for that fucking  _ laughter. _

Jonny shut up, eventually. Tim was pretty sure he was the one who made him stop; maybe with a bullet, or a knife, or maybe even with his hands. Maybe all three. He couldn't quite remember if he made it quick or not, or if he stopped once the body under him went still. (Considering what he did after, though, he knows it wasn't quick, and he knows he didn't stop.) Or if the mad bastard ever stopped that piercing laughter until he physically couldn’t make noise anymore. Everything blurred together in that rage, rage,  _ rage _ , and he lost track of who the blood on his clothes belonged to. 

His first clear memory after that was standing in front of the Moon Kaiser, staring at the large hand that had never seen work in its life, tangled violently in Jonny’s hair, his severed head held high. (Tim had noticed that his face, despite its disembodied state, was in much better condition than he vaguely remembered leaving it.) Then he saw Jonny  _ wink, _ and he recognized that bizarre, wooden, doll-like thing that followed the bastard around, and everything went to hell. 

He saw light brighter than anything he’d ever seen, he  _ felt _ that light, seering into his eyes, burning them to nothing, and then he didn’t see anything. Until he woke up. His head throbbed and ached, and when he slowly forced his eyelids open, he didn’t expect to see anything. Well, he didn’t expect to be alive, either, but here he was. He did see. But he saw… different. Everything looked sharper, brighter. He felt a buzzing sort of sensation, vibrating around his skull, and the ceiling he was staring at got closer. No, it didn’t. His eyes had  _ zoomed in _ on it. The moment he realized, the same feeling spread over his temples and it went back to normal. 

“Well, would you look at that.” Tim recognized the voice immediately, though he didn’t think he would hear it again. He closed his too-sharp eyes and pressed his head into the hard pillow beneath it. He must be dead.

“I must be dead.” He half-expected to hear laughter in response, but all he got was a harsh scoff.

“Very much the opposite, unfortunately.” Tim finally looked to the side, first noticing the heavy boots propped up next to his hand on the bed, then the asshole wearing them; leaning back dangerously far in a small chair and tossing a knife into the air. Jonny D-fucking-Ville sat, a poorly masked scowl on his face. Tim struggled to sit up, pain blooming hot along his forehead, and he ended up just lying on his side. He brought a heavy hand over his eyes. They felt too hard behind his eyelids.

“What… what the  _ fuck  _ happened?” He heard another scoff, and the clicking of the knife hitting Jonny’s rings stopped.

“A lot. Try again.” Great. Classic, difficult Jonny. Tim barely suppressed a groan. He would start with the most pressing question.

“What’s happened to my eyes?” He peeked between his fingers to look at him again. Jonny was twirling the knife in his hands now, not seeming to notice— or care about— the dark blood welling around the tip digging into his palm. Tim realized he had thick stitches around his neck, as if his head had been sewn back on. Then he remembered it must have been.

“They got burned out. Good ol’ Doctor Carmilla replaced them. Mostly.” Jonny’s scowl deepened slightly, and the knife pressed harder into his hand. Tim managed to prop himself up on his elbow, and he absently pressed around his sore eyes.

“Mostly?” Tim carefully pulled his lower eyelid down, and, very softly, touched the tip on his index finger to his eye. Then pressed a little harder. Metal. Cold, slick metal. He tapped his nail against it a few times, the sound echoing slightly in the quiet med bay. 

“She had an accident involving an airlock before she could finish.” Jonny visibly relaxed at that, pulling the knife away from his hand, resting the bloody tip of it against his dark lip. (Tim used to wonder how he managed to maintain perfect lipstick in the warzone. He saw a flash of black, oil-stained blood covering his hands, coating the heavy bowie knife he gripped.) 

“Accident?” Tim shook his head, and immediately regretted it. He pressed the heel of his palm against one of his new eyes, and regretted that, too. “I don’t… I dont get it. I’m no expert on mechanical eye prosthetics, but they sure as fuck  _ seem _ finished.” 

“ _ They are. _ She had gotten too far for you to die when she- when she fell. Out the airlock. Brian said it would be crueler to leave you like that, so he finished what  _ she  _ started.” Jonny was getting angry, he could tell. He knew how explosive his anger could be, but Tim was angry, too. Angry, and confused, and frustrated.

“You say that like you would prefer I was dead.” He spat. Jonny swung his feet to the floor, and stood, knife clenched hard in his fist. Tim could smell the alcohol on him.

“I do.” Jonny started storming toward the open door of the med bay. “You will, too.”

“What the  _ fuck  _ D’Ville!? What does that even  _ mean _ ?” Jonny swivelled on his heel harshly, rocking slightly. He spread his arms out.

“You’re immortal, my friend!” He gave a dramatic bow. “My. Fucking. Condolences.” With that, he turned again, and stalked out the door, stabbing his knife into the archway as he passed it.

\--

Brian was nice. He showed up a few minutes after Jonny’s exit. He was also made of metal. He gave Tim what he called a “Mechanism 101”. It was a lot of information to process, but for some reason Tim found himself remembering everything with ease. He mentioned this to Brian.

“That would be the bio-programming Carmilla performed.” He said it casually, fiddling with a tablet covered in stickers next to him.

“The what? Bio-programming?” Brian froze for a moment, mechanical eyes meeting Tim’s own. He gave a nervous laugh.

“Right! Right, uh, simple stuff, you know? Better memory, faster processing, that sort of thing. Only a few of us, including me, have anything more complicated than that.” Tim thought for a moment. Remembered conversations with Jonny, how he sometimes seemed to forget what he was talking about halfway through, change the topic without pause.

“What about Jonny?” Brian looked away at that, picking at one of the stickers on the tablet.

“Jonny was uh… he was Carmilla’s first go at the more complicated stuff, emotions, amd all that. Well, he was her first go at mechanization in general, actually. Didn’t go very well.” Tim could hear the memory of uncontrolled laughter. Brian got up from his chair suddenly. “I should get you a change of clothes—”

“What happened to her? Carmilla? Jonny said she fell out an airlock but I mean, come on.” Brian was quiet. He thumped a fist against his leg, making a dull knocking sound. He turned to face Tim fully.

“Look, we all know he’s lying. Carmilla, she wasn’t… she wasn’t a good person. No one blames Jonny. Feels awful to say, but, everyone is happier without her. Lighter. Just be glad you never had to meet her.” With that, he walked out the door, barely sparing the knife still lodged in the metal a glance. Tim took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He clenched and unclenched his fists, trying to ignore the phantom blood still wet on his hands. 

His new eyes could see red and black under his nails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we had 69 kudos but SOMEONE had to go and validate me


	7. Marius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marius has been here before.

Marius

Reading people was an art, and Marius was a fan of the abstract. Little bits of behavior patterns here, pieces of thought processes there, and he was off fitting everything together, sometimes with force. It was fun, figuring out the way people worked, the reason why they are the way they are. Needless to say, stumbling across the Mechanisms was like finding buried treasure under the only pile of dirt on a water planet. Meeting Jonny D'Ville was like finding the only gemstone of its kind among said buried treasure.

Jonny was an overflowing fountain of neurotic behavior and obvious trauma. He looked like he couldn’t have been older than _maybe_ 20, (though he knew the kid had probably been around longer than Marius himself) and it was obvious his mental development, even more so than the others, had ground to a halt the moment he was mechanized. He was incredibly impulsive, even by immortal standards. (Well, it was a standard for nine people, but still.) Not to mention the whole group, save for Tim, seemed to have some trauma surrounding doctors. Jonny, however, seemed especially affected by whatever had happened, if the way he reacted when Marius introduced himself as a doctor was any indication. He hadn’t even heard the gunshot, but he woke up to the sound of arguing, only to be shot again. He awoke once more to see Jonny having just been shot himself, and Nastya dragging his corpse away, presumably to calm him down when he came to.

Needless to say, Marius was not surprised in the slightest when a familiar, protective feeling started growing in his gut. Something about young-appearing, chaotic murderers always reminded him of, he assumed, a sibling or someone he had a similar connection to. He couldn’t quite remember. It wasn’t the first time Marius had gotten the ‘older sibling’ instinct over someone, but it _was_ the first time it happened toward someone who couldn’t die, which he counted as a plus. It also wasn’t the first time he had to deal with someone who was violently against accepting the sibling dynamic. He was confident he could wear Jonny down though; Nastya had clearly gotten through that barrier.

Jonny eventually got bored of shooting Marius every time he tried to make conversation, which was a big step in Marius’ book. The kid was still actively avoiding him, though, but apparently that wasn't new behavior.

"He avoided me, too, you know." Brian had said to him, scaring the shit out of Marius who somehow hadn't heard him walk through the door.

"How did you— nevermind. What are you talking about?" Marius turned from where he had been organizing the mass amounts of alcohol on the ship out of boredom.

"Jonny." This time Marius heard the loud clanking of metal as Brian walked further into the storage room, and sat next to him. "He avoided me, and every time I tried to talk to him he shot me. Or himself. Or both. Turns out it wasn't anything personal." Brian moved a few bottles around, clearly having no idea what Marius' system was.

" _That's_ not personal? Damn. What was the reason, then?" Marius leaned back on his metal hand, abandoning his work in hopes of a better understanding of Jonny's tattered psyche. Brian went very quiet for a moment.

"It was something to do with Carmilla. His issue with you is probably different, I just wanted you to know he tends to, you know, ignore things that upset him?" Other than the tidbit about how, other than murder, Jonny handled things he didn’t like, the lack of actual information was not lost on him. They all always seemed to clam up if Carmilla was mentioned. He decided to drop that aspect of the conversation. 

“Well, what do you think his problem is with me, then?” Brian shifted where he sat. Marius had the impression he was getting close to something.

“I… don’t really know? Jonny can be, well, he tends to blow things out of proportion sometimes. There's no telling what he’s upset about, honestly.” Oh, he _definitely_ had an idea of what Jonny was upset about, he just wasn’t sharing. Okay. He could work with this. Marius looked down at the ground, dropping his shoulders.

“Oh,” He sighed. “Alright, then. I just wish I knew if I was doing something wrong.” That did it. Brian’s head shot up, eyes wide, his hands waving in front of him.

“Nonono! It’s not, really it’s just—” His eyes squeezed shut for a moment, before he let out a breath. “Just, we didn’t expect there to be anyone else like us. That’s probably it. Jonny doesn’t take things like this well, okay? Just… talk to him about it. Shoot him in the legs if you have to. I uh, I should go. Tim wanted help with, uh, something.” He scrambled up faster than any metal man had business to be capable of, and was out the door in seconds. Marius smirked, and waited until the clanking sound faded before grabbing his gun and leaving to search for the little bastard.

\--

Marius found Jonny quicker than he thought he would. He was halfway in the vents, firing a gun into them and screaming at Nastya. He _stopped_ screaming at Nastya when a bullet went through one of his calves and he fell out of the vent, resuming his screaming at Marius instead when he saw him. A swift kick sent Jonny’s gun skittering away from where he had dropped it. 

“What the _fuck,_ Marius?!” Jonny spat from the floor. Marius lowered himself to the ground, leaning back against the wall. He held his gun loosely in his hand with his wrists resting on his knees.

“You’ve been avoiding me, Jonny. That’s not very nice, you know.” Jonny flopped back down onto his stomach, his wild hair covering most of his face as he let out a loud, annoyed groan. 

“Fuck _off._ ” Was his eloquent reply. Marius hummed.

“Had an interesting chat with Brian, you know. He said you avoided him, too. So I know you’ll get over it, but I just felt like taking the initiative. So, here we are.” Marius shifted so he sat with his ankles crossed, legs propped up over Jonny’s back and weighing him down. “So what’s your deal with me, then?” The look Jonny shot him when he finally shoved his hair back was absolutely venomous. This was going well.

“I am going to _kill_ you and then dismantle Brian and toss the pieces across the _goddamn galaxy_ —” 

“Come on, kid. Just tell me. What about me freaks you out so much?” Jonny made a half-hearted attempt to squirm out from under Marius’ legs.

“ _Everyone_ on this ship is a fucking—”

“Tell me.”

“Get _off_ —”

“Just _tell me.”_

_“_ There wasn’t supposed to be anyone else!” He cried out, struggling harder to get up. “Carmilla was gone and there wasn’t supposed to be _anyone else,_ but then you show up out of nowhere just like us acting like that's _fine._ Like any of us should trust you but you’re gonna be just like _her_ I know you are!” Jonny went limp on the ground, breathing hard. Marius was quiet, before he lifted his legs off. He laid still for a moment. Marius watched as he slowly picked himself up, and leaned back against the wall next to him. The kid was shaking.

“Want to know a secret?” Marius started, cutting through the silence. Jonny glanced over at him, face uncharacteristically blank.

“Sure.” His voice was quieter than Marius thought he had ever heard it. He leaned in slightly, lowering his voice conspiratorially.

“You can’t tell anyone, though. Okay?” Jonny nodded, and Marius knew he was going to tell everyone, but that was alright. 

“I’m not even a real doctor. Took the psychology classes and all, but I wasn’t really registered or anything. Ditched once I got caught. Never even bothered to steal or forge a PHD, I just call myself a doctor.” It took a moment of Jonny staring at him, but eventually he rolled his eyes with a scoff.

“Bet you aren’t even really a baron.” He muttered. Marius hissed through his teeth.

“Weeeellll…” That got a small chuckle, which lasted longer than he expected. A lot longer, actually. When he finally stopped, he went still, before reaching over, pulling back the goggle over Marius’ eye, and snapping it back. Marius threw himself back with a cry.

“Ow! Why?!” Jonny stood finally, before limping over to grab his gun.

“For shooting me and making me talk about feelings. And calling me ‘kid’. I should shoot you back. Twice.” He didn’t, though. He just shuffled his feet before turning and walking away. Marius rubbed at his eye, before sighing. That specific kind of accomplishment felt familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops that took a while. hopefully raphaella will be easier on me....

**Author's Note:**

> So. First fanfiction, and writing outside of comic scripts, since 9th grade. And... I'm 21. So yeah.


End file.
